CONDITION: YEAST INFECTION
“Diagnosing a yeast infection can be tricky, because, really, itchy genitals could be caused by almost anything, including: a change in laundry detergent, an STD, that weird new toilet paper you’re using, or being especially ticklish in that area.” [more.]
CONDITION: EPILEPSY
“The good news is, having epilepsy, unlike having sex with your wife, can add spice and variety to your impossibly boring life. In fact, the different types of epileptic seizures have so much erotic promise, you could easily swap the medical terminology for the whimsical lingo found on a whorehouse services menu.” [more.]
AREA WOMAN FED UP WITH FRIENDS POSTING ABOUT HEALTH, FITNESS
“I mean, look at this Instagram photo Dave posted,” said Benson. “It’s a plate of broccoli and a caption that says ‘eating clean!’ Oh, and check it out, he learned a new yoga pose, too. I’ve got another pose for you, Dave. It’s called Get the Fuck Off the Internet.” [more.]
DRUNK WOMAN ASKS STRANGERS FOR BREAST EXAM
“Though sources confirmed that no medical professionals were present at the bar, Webster reportedly continued to yell barely intelligible remarks to confused onlookers, including: “Wahoo! Deez teats!” and “Check out the mam’ glands!” and “Are you my Gynecologist?” [more.]
STUDY FINDS MAJORITY OF WOMEN INCAPABLE OF NOT OBJECTIFYING MEN
“My team was not shocked by the overall results,” said Winger. “Yet, hearing firsthand accounts the specific ways in which women continue to undervalue and degrade men on a daily basis was quite disturbing.” [more.]
AREA MAN CLAIMS MOST WOMEN ARE ON THEIR PERIODS
He also claims to have invented a special technique to test his theory on female coworkers and strangers. “Sometimes, I’ll just go up to a chick and be like, ‘hey girl, why don’t you smile’ and she won’t. That’s how I know she’s raggin’ hard.” [more.]